I had the baby the other day. I’m feeling a bit like I can explore blogging again. I was hyper-focused on the pregnancy and birth, and now I’m done with those. Of course, I’m a bit distracted by the little creature my body produced, so we’ll see what happens.
Just wanted to say hello again to those of you that are still out there.
I stood at the BlogHer ‘09 registration counter and waited.
“I just want to be sure I’ve looked everywhere before we write a name tag out for you,” the friendly registration lady said before another friendly person came up to chat with her.
I waited some more.
I wasn’t even upset that I had to wait, but the large amounts of money I paid when I registered five months ago did cross my mind. My first impression was not good, but I was happy to be there anyway. I was feeling optimistic. I just wasn’t impressed… yet.
The swag bag. That will impress me. People mentioned the wonderful swag. They said I should bring an extra suitcase to take all the fabulous prizes home with me. Oh, I’m being silly. I don’t really care about the stuff. I’m here to listen and learn. But I do love presents! The swag will be fun.
“Okay, so write your name on this blank name tag. I’ll give you a thingy to put it in, and then you can take it over to that counter and they’ll give you a thingy to hang it on. They’ll also give you a swag bag there.”
Things were finally moving along. I walked over to the next counter and showed them my makeshift name tag. Another nice lady said, “Here’s the thingy to hang it on, but we don’t have any more swag bags. We just ran out. I don’t know that we’ll be getting any more, but you can keep checking back and ask for one if you see some on this table back here.”
No swag bag. But that’s not what I’m here for. It’s okay, I didn’t really want a bunch of random junk anyway. But still… not impressed.
The breakout sessions I went to the first day were moderately interesting and useful. I was there to listen and learn, and there was plenty to listen to. I enjoy sitting and listening, especially to people who seem to know something I don’t. I enjoyed the first day. It was good. Good, but not impressive.
I managed to make an acquaintance during a breakout session on day two, so I didn’t have to sit alone at lunch that day. Honestly, everyone I met was very friendly and nice, and I never felt totally alone, even when I didn’t know anyone. I felt happy to be in the company of so many creative and interesting people, but it was nice to kind of know someone at lunch.
When I was done eating, I reviewed the session schedule. My acquaintance planned to go to a geek lab, but I really wanted to go to a break out session. There were two that I thought looked interesting.
Both were in the same hallway, so I decided to walk by the Britney session to check it out, and then decide. By the time I got there, people were overflowing from the room into the hallway. It was standing room only. “They should have put this session in a bigger room,” I heard someone complain. Yeah, kind of odd that they’d put such a popular session in such a tiny room… or was it? Maybe they were trying to encourage people to choose different sessions?
Considering my fear of making physical contact with strangers, I headed back down the hallway to the Activists session. The large room was practically empty - definitely more my speed. I found a seat surrounded by empty chairs, just like I like them.
It didn’t take long for me to become entirely un-self-absorbed when the panel began to speak about crimes against women, racism, helping their communities, government censorship, poverty, child labor, and many other meaningful topics I try hard to avoid, preferring the comfort of a suburban middle-class life of denial.
But these women from other countries, other cultures, were so beautiful and so easy to connect with. They told their stories and talked about trying to make the world a safe place for everyone to live in, one blog post at a time.
Suddenly I realized why I haven’t been blogging for the past few months. Because my life is meaningless, without purpose. I don’t have a reason to write.
The moderator asked for audience questions. A brave woman took the microphone, voice quivering, and said (I paraphrase), “I wanted to express thanks to all of you, who are amazing women doing amazing work. I’m sitting here crying because of the work you do. You give meaning to blogging, and I really hope the organizers of BlogHer will consider having the international activists speak in the ballroom next year because everyone needs to hear these stories, and the only reason I’m here right now is that there was nowhere to sit in the Britney room, and that’s ridiculous.”
Yeah, that. And applause. And more applause. And tears.
Finally, I couldn’t have been more impressed. I hope they post this session online, because it was amazing.
Anyone going to Blogher next week? I am, but will be taking the train from WI each day unless I can somehow come up with a spare $400 for lodging at the Sheraton. Or, know any other good hotels nearby that are cheaper and still decent?
Just watched Phoebe in Wonderland on Netflix and wanted to recommend it. I love the way it handled mental disorder and unschooling themes (the unschooling theme may have been entirely inadvertent). Oh, there was even a mother guilt theme, another of my favorites.
In other news, I’ve practically dropped out of the bloggysphere. I keep thinking I’ll jump back in, but so far it hasn’t happened. I really can’t explain it at all. I did have an idea for a blog, but I’ve been lazy. Sigh.
From writer John Elder Robison, about his son:
Cubbys Day in Court
You left high school because you didn’t have any friends, didn’t you! The prosecutor shouted baseless accusations at Cubby, her face twisted in a venomous mask. What was wrong with her, I wondered? Cubby answered calmly. No, he said. I left because I was bored with the classes. I have lots of friends. I wanted to take college courses. Behind him, the court was packed with his supporters who gave silent lie to her words.
I think I have a concept for a new blog. I think. I just wanted to let you know it’s simmering…
Today has been one of those amazing days when everything just falls into place perfectly.
It all started as I was lying in bed and I suddenly remembered today was the day Taz was to try out a new daycare at the place where he does OT. I jumped out of bed and went into hyper-focus mode. I got us ready and out the door in 20 minutes without a hitch. That in itself was enough to make me feel powerful and competent.
Taz adored the program. It is very expensive since a speech therapist (sometimes two) is the teacher, and there are only three students, but it seemed close to ideal for him so I may have to find a way to justify the cost.
I stayed in the lobby for the three hours he was there. I read in the lobby for three hours. I cannot remember the last time (or if I have ever) read for three hours. It was luxurious. It’s hard to put a price on uninterrupted reading time.
Afterward, Taz and I went to lunch and then to the park. We stayed at the park for another three hours and while we were there we made friends with a boy Taz’s age and his dad, who were from Mexico (Guanajuato). The dad and I chatted about natural remedies and healthy eating almost the whole time, while the boys had lots of fun being four year olds.
I noticed something interesting during my interactions with the dad. I was not my self-conscious, awkward, confused self nearly as much as I would be with a local mom I just met at the park. I don’t know if it was because he was a man, or if it was because he was from a far away place, or if it was because English was his second language, or what, but I felt very at ease, almost like my idiosyncrasies were more acceptable somehow. The language/cultural/gender barriers were like permission to be a weirdo. It was like the “I’m not like you” thing was so obvious that it could be disregarded. Or something.
And of course, it helped to be talking with someone who happened to share a special interest of mine and obviously enjoyed talking about it indefinitely.
After the park we came home and Taz joined Jay in the garage to work on the kaleidoscope they’re building. I shut myself in my office and relaxed.
At bedtime I was filled with compassion. I was able to actively listen to Taz’s frustrations about going to sleep. I felt connected and accepting.
One of the things I’m working on in the “self-improvement” realm is the acceptance of aspects of my self that I have repressed or disowned. Ultimately I’m hoping that doing this will allow me to be more accepting of others as well. I feel like I succeeded today and was able to remain open and compassionate toward everyone around me as well as myself, and that felt really good.
…up at Hopeful Parents.
Oh, and sorry about the missing archives. I wanted to reorganize a bit. Stay tuned.